:( :( :(

i haven't been on lately! and i really should be! cause its the only place where i feel i can express myself with out anyone being in front of me! i can say whats on my mind!

i have to say i thought life was going pretty good! but i get dragged down by my parents! i have a job! i go to it every time i need to! but today i was having what it seems as a late day! i was 2 mins late arriving and then i was 20 mins late to lunch, then 3 mins late getting back! but i just blow it off hoping it wouldn't bring me down! not to mention, i still have depression! and i was hoping that i could just get rid of it on my own! but ive been slowly thinking i should suck it up and get help! i think its imbarrising! i don't like the fact that i need help! i don't want help! but i think i should break down and get it!

my parents are yelling, tears are falling, rage agenst myself is getting hire! thoughts in my head say just fucking get it over with! you need to be hit! i wish some one just would beat the shit out of me! i deserve it! and why did i tell my parents that im suffering from depression! they did exactly what i knew they would! Dad- ill fucking put you in depression, ill fucking put you out on the street, then youll see what depression is all about!
mom-oh i suppose thats our fault! huh! its our fault! everything is our fault!
me-i never said that! see this is why i didn't....
dad-what!
me-that i didn't tell you! you don't give a fuck about what happens to me. as long as im safe!
mom-we never said we didn't care!
me-oh really what did dad just pretty much say!
mom-he didn't...
dad-yeah i don't give a fuck, cause im tired of you! when did you decide that your depressed!
me-i didn't. DVR did, thats why i got the money! i had to have something wrong with me! but i didn't have to fake it. in 07. i say its the worst year that i will ever have!
mom-why?
me-
well thats about all i remember! just a bunch of yelling, and get ride of that dog! then i said okay ill get ride of that dog, then can i get one that is trained!
nope get your own place and have all the pets you want!
well i would love to! everytime i try to save money i have something wrong with me! like this last time! apparently i have kidney stones! hah! isn't that funny! well i deserve it i guess! seems like i step two feet ahead and think im okay for a while, and then get punched my god back 5 steps! god makes things happen like that! i never asked to have kidney stones or tonsalitis! i don't understand! how much love and helping heart i put out into the KARMA full world, i get my heart stomped on! im starting to turn into a little turtle because im tired of hurting! i want to replace my heart with a stone heart! i used to have one! while i helped ppl, but i get crapped on! i don't understand!

sigh.................................this isn't helping! money is a sorces of a lot of my problems! haha, got yelled at for paying my dad for my phone bill! haha. isn't that funny. i get yelled at for not paying it. and then i get yelled at FOR paying it! hmm! funny shit!

im going to bed! in the words of Karen Walker,,, i'd like you...to eat me!

i don't know what to do! i normally smack myself around and be on with it! but i decided for right now to write this out! maybe in a while i wont have the erg to hit myself, for being stupid and retarted! i still have the thoughts about some one just beating me up! and at this point id let them! i feel the need to give up!

ugh!

gees! here we go again! my sister just sent a really long text took 4 to send it, saying i get tired of you and your friend bad mouthing our parents, on facebook! gosh, i never said anything about mom or dad! every one on here that follows me are on my facebook! go look at my status!! its the one saying im so fucking hungry, some one go get some food. something like that. i don't remember all of it. but im pretty darn sure that i didn't "bad mouth" my parents! i don't know. maybe it is. maybe shes right! she also called me selfish. im going to get my phone and tell exactly what she said!

im getting tired of you and alyssa bitching about mom and dad on facebook u both are capable of getting shit and helping them out why are u and your friends freeloading on mom and dad when u know they can't afford it! and why is your friends alyways counthing on mom and dad to raise them they had their own kids they are done oh you are still selfish as ever!

im deffently not selfish! infact im going to look up the exact deffenition! here:devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. ANYONE IS THAT ME? IS THAT REALLY ME? I DON'T THINK SO, BUT LET ME KNOW. ILL CHANGE CAUSE I DON'T LIKE SELFISH PEOPLE. INFACT THAT IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST REASONS THAT ME AND MY BESTEST FRIEND FOREVER ARE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE! sigh! sorry to bug you with this! but please tell me if i am! i don't think so! oh well!

Storm

i can not get this song out of my head! read this and you'll see why!

Every night that goes between
I feel a little less
As you slowly go away from me
This is only another test
Every night you do not come
Your softness fades away
Did I ever really care that much
Is there anything left to say
Every hour of fear I spend
My body tries to cry
Living through each empty night
A deadly call insideI haven't felt this way I feel
Since many a year ago
But in those years and the lifetimes past
I did not deal with the road
And I did not deal with you I know
Tho the love has always been
So I search to find an answer there
So I can truly win
So I try to say
Goodbye my friend
I'd like to leave you with something warm
But never have I been a blue calm sea
I have always been a storm
We were frail
She said"Everynight he will break your heart"
I should have known from the first
I'd be the broken hearted
But I loved you from the start
Save us. . .
And not all the prayers in the world--
could save us

so your thinking its an other day...

so i bet your thinking its just an other day! just an other May 26th. but guess what! its not! its stevie's birthday! and in 2 months it will be mine! go me! haha. so anyway, it was a good day! in a weird mood, but a good day! and ive been wishing Stevie a great bday all day today! haha, that was a lot of days! so pleace comment on this wishing her a great bday! even if you don't like her. do it for me! it makes me happy to send her the love! haha! she's 61! and ill be 21!

Battle Of The Dragon! song of the night!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cbwLRwPe1w&feature=related

This was not pre-planned but after some calls
I decided to go to the other side of the world
I see something, I see a handsome soldier
I see myself remaining when all of you are gone
And the reason that I paint you in my paintings
And the reason I record the sound of your voices

No one walks away from this battle
From the power, it's so strong
Like a fury, like a fury
Keep that fury deep inside you
And wish it to end
And when your friends start asking you why
You just say nothing

The beautiful and the sensitive and the oh so very young
We are adapted to your silence
I can live here without you
At least I'm learning,
But I cannot live without your songs

No, oh no, who have you been with?
Have you been with friends?
Have you been writing, well you say it's harder now
Well I got the message straight from the living
From what I can tell I need to be here
You say someone's looking for you, ooh nothing is wrong
Well I can and I will go on

No one walks away from this battle
From the power, it's so strong
Like a fury, like a fury
Keep that fury deep inside you
And wish it to end
And when your friends start asking you why
You just say nothing

huh hmm

well, today was my last clinical! and now weds is the very last class! and its the final! and im so terrified! i really know what im doing, i just get scared over tests! im not a good tester! i hate tests! my mid-term was a 76%! passing but not what i wanted! i missed 11 question that i knew! i guess i need to take more time to read it and stuff like that! idk, i hope i do good! ive studied a bit! i don't want to over study. just pray that i do good! lol

Doing The Best I Can(escape from berlin)

It was one for you it was three for me
It was very nice it was everything
So here it is in little pieces
I just played the part I didn't win or lose
Maybe next time I'll think about how I'm feeling cause I'm doing the best that I can
And the whispered secrets go on and on
No one says anything to anyone
You watch after her and your word is law
She thought she was out there but nobody saw
I didn't win or lose I just threw the cards
But I paid a price for it
And it's alright, baby I'm doing the best that I can
And I'm trying hard to change I'm doing it the best that I can
Well because fate causes fortune and fortune takes it away
Well it's alright, baby I'm doing the best that I can
I was silent I was locked away
But I covered my tears
Silent all day
It's out of my hands here
In my distress well I wanted someone to blame me
In my devastation I wanted so to change
In my way disaster was the only thing that I could depend on
But it's alright, baby I'm doing the best that I can
Yes it's alright, baby I'm doing the best that I can
Because fate causes fortune and fortune takes it away
And then fortune causes nightmares nightmares that make you crazy
It's alright, baby I'm doing the best that I can
It's alright, baby I'm doing the best that I can
Oh he says well I hear you're doing fine and you're doing the best that you can
Well he says oh, I hear you're doing fine and you're doing the best that you can
Ooh she says it's alright, baby I'm doing the best that I can
Yes it's alright, baby I'm doing the best that I can
Oh and he says I hear you're doing fine and you're doing it the best that you can
Oh and he says ooh I hear she's doing fine and she's doing it the best that she can
Oh and I paid a price for it
I'm doing the best that I can

Say You Will

Somethin' in you brought out somethin' in me, that I've never been since
That part of me that was only for you, That kind of romance
Comes only once, that kind of love
That kind of fever dance
That you love because you become someone else in an instant
Say you will, say you will give me one more chance
At least give me time to change your mind
That always seems to heal the wounds, if I can
Get you to dance
Somethin' in you put a hold on my heart
It's hard to believe now
Here in the place that will never be dark
I remember that place...That kind of touch, electricity of love
That certain kind of grace
That you love because you become someone else in an instant
Say you will, say you will give me one more chance
At least give me time to change your mind
That always seems to heal the wounds, if I can
Get you to dance
Say you will, say you will give me one more chance (say you will)
At least give me time to change your mind (say you will)
That always seems to heal the wounds, if I can
Get you to dance
Say you will, say you will give me one more chance (say you will)
At least give me time to change your mind (say you will)
That always seems to heal the wounds, if I can
Get you to dance
Say you will, say you will give me one more chance (say you will)
At least give me time to change your mind (say you will)
That always seems to heal the wounds, if I can
Get you to dance
Say you will, say you will give me one more chance (say you will)
At least give me time to change your mind (say you will)
That always seems to heal the wounds, if I can
Get you to dance
Say you will, say you will give me one more chance
At least give me time to change your mind
That always seems to heal the wounds, if I can
Get you to dance

Goodbye Baby

Don't take me to the tower
And take my child away
It was I who was
The hourglass
And the sands of time like
Shattering glass went past me
Like a tunnel to the sea
And I who went to sleep as two
Woke up as one now only you remain
You'll close your eyes and travel back
To the time when the light went fading fast
And the words you'll never, never forget, oh no
As you slipped away
Goodbye baby
I hope your heart's not broken
Don't forget me
Yes I was outspoken
You were with me all the time
I'll be with you one day
And I who went to sleep in tears
Woke up in tears, for all of the years
And I who never, never said goodbye
As I slipped away
Goodbye baby
I hope your heart's not broken
Don't forget me
Yes I was outspoken
You were with me all the time
I'll be with you one day
Goodbye baby
I hope your heart's not broken
Don't forget me
Yes I was outspoken
You were with me all the time
I'll be with you one day
Yes, I'll be with you one day

Crash

You've got your ball
You've got your chain
Tied to me tight tie me up again
Who's got their claws
In you my friendInto your heart I'll beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock
And sweet you roll
Lost for you I'm so lost for you
You come crash into me
And I come into you
I come into you
In a boy's dream
In a boy's dream
Touch your lips just so I know
In your eyes, love, it glows so
I'm bare boned and crazy for you
When you come crash
Into me, babyAnd I come into you
In a boy's dreamIn a boy's dream
If I've gone overboard
Then I'm begging you
To forgive me
In my haste
When I'm holding you so girl
Close to me
Oh and you come crash
Into me, babyAnd I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show your world to me
In a boy's dream.. in a boy's dream
Oh I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted
The way I'd like to be
For you, for me, come crash
Into me

Circle Dance

I don't know why it should be so hard
Giving up this circle dance
Worn out steps from long ago
Don't give love a chance
It's a bitter heirloom handed down
These twisted parts we play
I'm not her and you're not him
It just comes out that way
Can't go back to make things right
(though I) wish I'd understood
Time has made things clearer now
We did the best we could
I'll be home soon, that's what you'd say
And a little kid believes
After a while I learned that love
Must be a thing that leaves
I tried so hard just to hold you near
Was as good as I could be
Even when I had you here
You stayed so far from me
Can't go back to make things right
(though I) wish I'd understood
Time has made things clearer now
You did the best you could
Now that this has occurred to me
I just wanted you to know
I've been too faithful all my life
It's time to let you go

Totally get to do this from my phone! YES! <Dramatic Gypsy>

1st time!

even though i have great big dreams! and i do hope they come true! i image them caming ture and how much more happier i would be! but to get on with what this is really about! lol. i, for the first time, in a very long long time! haha, so long i can't even remember! i feel good about myself. and yes, i have been very depressed and i still am! but i got the greatest compliment by my teacher last night! haha, it doesn't seem like it was much, but for some reason it got me into an amazing mood! she said shes going to be fun! i looked up and i said who me! shes laughed and she said oh yes you! that made me day. lol should me night i guess! so now i just can't wait until i get a job there! but hopefully it wont be for to long. cause you know i have major dreams and i hope they come true!
thats about all i have to say for now! just was on my mind!

peace out your gypsy/hippie blogger!

i just woke up. well at about 10ish. and i got on my myspace and facebook. then i checked my twitter and saw that poor Elisabeth Hasselbeck got hit by a bike! imagin that! only in NYC! the bikes should be fallowing laws like the cars do! shes pregnant, but shes okay, thank god! the baby's fine as well! again thank god! thank god it wasn't a car! people are crazy. all i have to say is please be careful, when you drive or ride your bike! try not to harm the people.

*hugs & love & peace*

~*Gypsy Jessica*~

new!?

haha, so im new here. but im figureing it out very fast. im going to change my background as soon as i figure it out. i got this cause i was bored. and i had nothing better to do. i really don't like it. but i love to type, and write. there be a lot of my songs on here, in fact i might just add them from my myspace. well i guess thats it for now.